Break my heart for what break yours God. My heart breaks for the broken hearted and right now my heart hurts. I want so badly to help these people hurting. I don’t understand why I’m not being used more. I’m completely available to help and I’m more than willing to be moved by His spirit and into people’s lives to be there for them.
Tonight I have found out a beautiful, fun, friendly, woman who’s the same age as I am, had committed suicide a week ago. She wasn’t a close friend but I did know her from high school and had hung out with her in group settings before. I remember having a desire to being friends with her though because she was such a relatable and sweet person. Some of my other friends are having a really hard time with this because they were very good friends with her and did not see this coming. I looked at her pictures on her facebook profile, and this sweet smiling girl committing suicide did not make sense. It didn’t add up. But you just never know who’s hurting and how bad. You might never know how you affect someone, bad or good.
I immediately started singing a song I wrote recently, in memory of her. I originally had wrote it with someone else in mind, but it was very relevant to this situation. My parents then arrived home and I asked my dad to play a song he had wrote for my late aunt. The main chorus is directly from the Bible, “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints.” That song always releases a wave of peace over me.
Back to the song that I wrote recently, the words mean so much to me. Partly because I can really relate to it. There was a point in my life where I had been suicidal before and I have talked to many people who have been as well. It’s such a lonely and extremely dark time. I was never able to quite go through with it, but what if I had become one of the ones that had been successful? What a waste of a life, and that’s how I feel about this young woman. I hope I get the opportunity to share this song to many people because it really is speaking to so many depressed people these days. It’s about leaving behind your life that’s led by you and turning it in for a more happy life led by God. It’s as easy as just running to Jesus because he’ll take you back any day, he’ll take you back TODAY. Life is too short to do any differently. As I was singing this song tears just started to pour out of my eyes onto the guitar. I wish I could have been there for her during her pain. I would give up so much to go back in time to be there for her. To show her how much God had planned for her. To show her all the people that love and care for her. To show her that the devil was trying to attack her, but that God is so much more powerful and so very present. I can’t do this for her anymore though. She is with the Lord. I will be given other opportunities with other people I'm sure.
This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard: A man that went to the same church I grew up in, had lost his brother due to suicide. There were a lot of very hard circumstances surrounding this situation. During his brother’s memorial service, he played on his guitar and sung “Blessed Be Your Name”. He was praising God during his brother’s memorial service! This is the epitome of faith and love to me, God’s children praising their Father in the midst of a storm. In the event of a huge storm that will inevitably come my way, I pray that I will be able to do that too.
Life is so fragile. I’ve always been so aware of that, but as time goes on, I’m more and more sensitive to that fact. Sometimes I read stories in the newspaper about people’s loss and hardships that brings tears to my eyes. Other times like tonight I found out news like this and can’t help but crying. This all just makes me want to make the most of the relationships I am involved in. I don’t have control over most of what happens in this life, but I do have the ability to affect the relationships I am in right now. This is why I pray every single time before I hang out with someone, that I use it to glorify God and be a light to them in some way. It's so important to know and truly understand that death is not the end though. There is a time and purpose to everything and thankfully God is the one in control.
No comments:
Post a Comment