New Life

I just did something earlier today that gave me the most interesting feeling. It left me feeling very vulnerable and yet relieved that I finally did it. I never thought I would feel this way after doing this. But it was so good for me. I just gave my testimony for the first time. I was invited to give my testimony by the pastor of a small community church called New Life here in Petawawa Canada. I was accompanied by the family that I nanny for (the mom and the two boys). It was a treat to have my two families I’ve made in Canada collide. Besides the little bit of butterflies I always get before public speaking (mainly my experience comes from my acting classes), I wasn’t nervous about the speaking part. I was nervous about the sharing part. I had a few note cards for references of the timeline of my life but for the most part I winged it (not what I originally wanted to do but I had faith God would tell me what to share). I began by letting people know that this is the first time I have ever shared my testimony and that I was about to tell them things that people close to me in my own life don’t even know. I knew that talking about my past would probably be a little emotional because I can’t even believe some of the pain I’ve been through and how different of a person I feel like now, but I did not expect to get a little choked up while speaking. I especially felt the tears in my eyes while the pastor was speaking about the potential he saw for my future, immediately following my testimony. I do not like to cry, especially not in front of others. I find at church though I am just an absolute cry baby. It used to be because of how guilty and ashamed I felt about the lifestyle I was living, but now it is because of the undeniable love and mercy God has for us. When I feel God’s presence, it’s hard not to cry because of His overwhelming power and holiness.

The interesting thing about this all is that I don’t think the pastor realized when he asked me to share my testimony, that a big part of my new life I now live, had a lot to do with coming to this particular church. As I looked in the audience towards the faces of the people who have took me in and spoke into my life, and even just greeted me week after week with a sincere hug, I told them how much they have had an impact on me. I was glad I got to express my gratitude towards these wonderfully kind people.

My favorite part through this experience was afterwards when people came up to me. They gave me encouragement to keep going forward and that things will only keep getting better and better from here. They related to me, one man even told me that our testimonies sounded almost identical. As the pastor hugged me while we were still on stage, he prophesied over me that I would do great things as a pastor/ evangelist/prophet and that I had this strong sense of fearlessness. Coming from having a lot of fears, I definitely agree that God has helped me to become fearless because now I can say I don’t really have that many fears. Which is how God’s children should live.

I thanked the pastor for the opportunity to share because I received so much encouragement, and this is actually a bigger step towards my future than most would realize. Wanting to become a speaker at churches, this is a small stepping stone into doing that.

I started off my first blog entry talking about becoming a more open person and sharing my past. That’s exactly what I have started doing, and it feels great. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. My spirit feels free and there is no part of me that feels trapped from my past. I am no longer my past. I am not that person. I have declared it over myself, others have declared that over me, and most importantly God has declared that I am a new person. I feel like it’s so important that I can talk about my past now because now I can separate the person I’ve been to the person I am now. I went from pretty much no one knowing about my past, to sharing my life, sins and all, to a church of some good friends but mostly acquaintances and strangers. I am hesitant to post it on here though, as I would rather sit and share it in person. The next step is to share my testimony to first of all, my family. Then comes sharing with it my friends. Most importantly, I am going to have the opportunity to share it with many more people, believers and non-believers, who will be able to relate and hopefully be impacted by it.